Happy Birthday to me.
Im 24 . Its the first birthday of my life that Im not too excited about. I mean, finally i ask myself, whats the fuss? I go to my personal Wikipedia ( Mother ) who wishes me in her sleep and gives me sindhi blessings. I tell her, "Mom Im not too excited about my birthday. " Instant response, " Its because your not feeling well beta, youve been having health issues. I have told you 100 times not to hang out with those friends of your who .... .... .." I walk away.
Its 9 :30 am , Ive received the usual phonecalls from my handfull relatives. Being a Friday, I dont have work, and quite frankly, today I dont even feel like sitting with Dad and giving him evolutionary ideas on how to manage a company he so successfully has since the last 30 years. So I get restless, walk into my room and sit, without music, just hear the raindrops in the background, the wheezing in my chest, and some memories in my heart. Meditation is the need of the hour so I close my eyes and try to sit in a Yoga pose, quite unsuccessfully. Finally I settle down and decide, lets just have a monlogue and pretend some inputs are from God. The conversation begins with our usual pleasentaries.
Finally its time to ask "questions with difficult answers", this time its God whos asking me all the questions.
God : Happy Birthday. 24. Whats the difference?
Me : Thanks , no difference, feel a bit weird cause 24 is when people are extremely involved in themselves, most of us our done with quarter life crises, quite a few of us are engaged or in extremely serious relationships, and responsibilities are at an all time high. For me, Im just starting to realize how much of I is involved in LIFE, around half way done with feeling weird, am absolutely single, but for a change not brooding over it and quite loving it, and I havent shown any inclination on marriage.
God: So are you happy the way the year went?
Me : Quite satisfied. The year before was quite a pain cause I got single after a whirlpool of relationships lasting over 6 years, so I was starting to enjoy man's natural existence : solitude. Finally this year has made me much more confident, I do not remember being very depressed or upset this year. Career wise things have been still slow, took the GMAT and fared OK. Health has not been a big problem for a good part of the year. Met some interesting people, even more interesting women, but things didn't go too far. So its been quite balanced.
God: Your Biggest Gain for the year?
Me: Self - realization. Finally beginning to understand what exactly do things like " enjoying your own company, listening to Bob Dylan, sitting alone for 4 hours, not going mad over the fact that there is no one to talk to, scanning my cellphone for contacts I used to talk to, but not being bitter about it, heeding my friend the Shrinks advise on how family is THE most important part of life, etc. etc. etc.
God: Your biggest loss?
Me : No loss. Maybe that's why this year has been good .
God : Why are you lying? Confess.
Me: Like I said, Nothing. Its hard to imagine, but its true. This year is the year I could proudly say I have NO regrets. Maybe 24 years is a long time , but finally I have nothing to be sad about. All the mistakes Ive made, I've repented, People whom I have upset, have been apologized to. People whom have upset me, have lost me. My equation with people for a change has been really practical.
God: So you say your confident now. Tell me about the journey.
Me : The difference was that I didn't rely on what millions of others count on you for, HOPE. It has helped. That's the one thing where you and I are dissimilar. God's image on Earth is that he or she solve all the problems. Going by that logic, God pretty much create the problems as well. I mean, its not fair to blame us for problems, and credit God for solutions. I create my own problems, and I solve them myself. This has made me confident enough to face my problems head on, and not listen to motivational bullshit. People love reading about hope, survival, faith and Paris Hilton. For me they are all in the same category. What happens then is people just appreciate the text and then do not apply it to their life. Ill remember year 23 because of the way I started feeling good about my self, and that what I do in life is completely independent. Having a benchmark is good during schooling days, but it should stop then. I need to be compared with myself and nothing else. That is when I will make the most of my life.
God: Some moments worth remembering.
Me: The recent one was the conversation with Dustin. Drinking actually is the best conversation starter. I admired his practicality of life, the blunt manner in which he said , " Look Bhatia, I'm not your best friend and your not mine, and there are no hard feelings bout it. Tomorrow if you or I die, the other person is not gonna feel depressed. So whatever you say or do doesn't affect me, and that's the way it should be. " There have been several instances when I spoke to Mom about things, she simply asked me " So what?" and that solved the problem.
God: Your heroes this year?
Me: Mom and myself. Both had a blast together, and I'm proud to say shes my closest friend.
God: Any people who u hate?
Me: Not really, just have to ignore them I guess.
God: So what do you think of me?
Me: (Fountainhead, here i come) But I don't think of you.
That was it, felt good after meditation, had a good day not depending on people or things, and look forward to enjoying the year/s ahead.
